


If I don't want to - S.M.

by waterdropletsss



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Heart Break, Romance, Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction, Shawn Mendes Fanfic, move on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterdropletsss/pseuds/waterdropletsss
Summary: Being left by the love of his life was the worst nightmare could ever happen to Shawn. They both faced ups and downs, heartbreaks and reunites to be together, just to know they could never be at each other's side.Life is bitter but Shawn has to face it. As much as he wants to learn to let go, the memories of her glimpsing on his head in everything that he does. Until one day, Ariel-3 years after the day she left-come back to help him get up from his deep grief and move on.Will Shawn be able to forget about their past and find a new place to lay his heart?
Relationships: Shawn Mendes/Original Female Character(s)





	1. Goodbye for Good

**Shawn**

"Thanks, Shawn, for everything. For the love you gave me throughout this time, for the effort of taking care of me all these days," she stopped for a while, managing to get across the things she wanted to say to me despite her choking throat, "I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend than you. But now, I have to go. It's _goodbye for good_ , Shawn."

"But, I will bear it, Ariel. I can do all of these things all my life if that's what needed to have you by my side," I clenched my fists trying to stay in control over my sadness.

"But, Shawn-"

"Please, Ariel. I'll do anything to make you stay, please. Please, don't go. I don't know how to live without you," tears I'd been holding started to fall through my cheeks. I couldn't imagine how ruined my life would be without her.

"I can't, Shawn," she looked at the ground, didn't got the courage to look at my eyes.

"You said you want to hold on, Ariel. You said you're going to do anything to grow old with me," I said with the energy left in me.

She's the one who said she would do anything to make our ship sails no matter what storm we go through. She's the _Ariel_ who would change her voice to have legs to walk the journey with me.

She's- she's the hope that helped me to get through life however hard it is, but now, she's the one who wants to leave.

"I'm tired, Shawn," the word escaped her lips.

_She's tired?_

"It's not about you, Shawn. It's me who will no longer suffer the pain if we end this, Shawn. _It's me_ ," she ended her sentence half shouting. Her knees dropped to the ground.

I can hear her sobbing under her tiny palms that manage to covered her cheeks and eyes. _I knew it's a lie._

I wanted to hold her so bad, but I couldn't move my feet. I kept trying to move, but my body wouldn't listen. I tried to at least shout and say I'm coming to her, but even my tongue wouldn't cooperate. Every time I tried, my chest became tighter and tighter.  
Then my vision got blurred before it went completely dark. I felt my body fell into a never-ending hole that got even darker and more suffocating every inch I fall deeper.

I was still hoping those tiny palms of her would reach me. Wondering if her lips would say she was wrong, she didn't mean it and she could never leave me. But, she never came and I kept falling, deeper, and deeper.

I wish I would land on a hard surface and just end this suffocating feeling, but I never reach the bottom.

"Shawn! Shawn! Wake up!"

I heard a sound.

It wasn't Ariel's.

It was a male voice that sounds familiar to my ear.

"Shawn!"

I tried to recognize the voice. It was close to my ears. But, my lids felt heavy and I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't respond to the source either.

" _Shawn_!"

Suddenly I felt a hand grabbed my left shoulder. It pulled me hard. My body jerked. I finally woke up.

I found Brian squatting on the side of my mattress with his eyes widen. His hand's shaking my left shoulder. My whole body drenched in sweats and I could feel my cheeks flooded by tears.

"Jeez, Shawn. I thought you've got a heart attack," he sighed as he finds the answer to the panic situation.

"Sorry, Man. Bad dream," I answered, ruffling my hands through my hair.

"Must be worse than bad. Is it about her again?" He asked in a concerned tone.

I nod softly. Still collecting my energy back after the vivid horror dream I experienced this morning.

"Man, Shawn, I know it's hard for you, but you really need to move on," he stood up and took a water bottle from the desk behind me and handed it to me, "How long has it been?" 3 years?"

I again nod softly to his last question. Not wanting to discuss his first sentence, "Thanks, man." I gulped down the water that became cold after left under the aircon all night long.

My hand reaching out for phone that I charged on Brian's table last night. I plugged off the phone and clicked the unlock button.

 _Saturday, 24th September 202_ 9

Right three years ago, on this very date, she left me. She left but this dream has never left my mind. It's been recurring over and over again in my sleep ever since.

I can still see her vividly in my nights of sleep. She's standing there wearing her favourite long white gown. Her soft wavy brown hair tucked behind her ears, falling free covering the exposed part of her back. She turned, facing my way. Our eyes met, making her lips curves the sweet smile as she always does.

But, every time I want to reach her, every time I want to hold her, her eyes stare at me blankly, tears run down through her pale cheeks, the edge of her lips down and her smile disappears. She then turns away, leaves me confused and unable to move.

I shout her name ten times, but she never comes back, let alone turns her head to me. She just walks, and walk until she disappears in the white thick fog.

' _Ding' A_ notification came through my phone waking me up from the daydreaming.

I shook my head. Hoped it helps me shake off my thoughts. I got up from the mattress, folded the blanket and placed it on Brian's bed.

I grabbed the towel that was hung on the chair and entered the bathroom. I placed myself under the shower. Coldwater touched my face down to my chest and my back. I rinsed my face, pulled back my hair with both palms, trying to repress the bitterness of memories that came to me this morning.

But instead of washing away the thoughts, it pulled me back, drowning in my own thoughts.

I was _selfish_. It's hurt to know that she suffers a lot just to be with me. I did anything I could to make her stay by my side. But, I didn't think about what she has to go through to fulfil my desire to be with her. I definitely knew that she would be happier if I let go my grip, but there I was, gripping tight the rope that held her close to me. I did let her go at last, even though deep down I've never wanted to leave her side.

She got through lots of mountains and valleys in her whole life. Maybe this is the best way. Maybe it wasn't me that meant to give her happiness she deserved.

But, I also couldn't help stop thinking what if I didn't let her go? What if I was stubborn for one last time and ask her to go through this path just one more time? Maybe she was just tired, and I was supposed to support her. Maybe if I didn't let her go, she will still be here sleeping, with my arms wrapped tightly around her this morning. Maybe-

A knock on the bathroom door stopped me from thinking further, "Join us for breakfast after you finish yea," Brian called from outside the door.

"Yes, coming out in a second," I sighed.

I dried my hair quickly and put on my black short, leaving my upper body bare. I came out from the bathroom and hung back the towel on the chair. I grabbed my grey t-shirt and put it on. I rushed to the dining room where Mrs Craigen was cooking.

"Morning, Mrs Craigen," I greeted her, feeling a bit guilty for waking up this late when sleeping over at her house.

"How many times should I tell you? It's Tanya to you, Shawn. You've been my son's best friend since- _forever_ ," She chuckled at how I call her Mrs Craigen every time.

"It's just- I just- feel impolite, Mrs- erh- Tanya," I tried to not screw up my sentence.

She replied with another chuckle.

"Here, I made us sandwiches. Could you help me put this on the dining table?" She asked handing me two plates of sandwiches.

"Sure, Tanya," she smiled hearing me call her name correctly.

"Brian, help Shawn bring these to the dining table!" She raised her voice so Brian could hear her from the living room.

"Coming, Mooom. Just give me a minute, I'm close to winning," Brian shouted back from the living room still holding tight his Switch with his two hands on each side, smashing the buttons with his thumbs.

I brought the plates to the dining room and placed it on the table mat. Mrs Craigen followed with two glasses of orange juices. I helped her with the rest of the plates and glasses and sat down across Mrs Craigen's side.

"Who says you can eat? Only Shawn helped me prepare the breakfast," Mrs Craigen said seeing Brian coming to the dining room and sat down beside me.

"Mooom, I've been helping you making your life brighter since the time I was born. That's a lot of help already," Brian ran toward his mom and hugged her from the side tightly.

"Okay, okay, you're not totally wrong. Now get back to your seat and finish your breakfast," she pinched Brian's cheek like he's still her little boy.

I let out a chuckle seeing what they did.

"So, how's life, Shawn? I haven't seen you for a while," she asked me and started taking her first sandwich bite.

"Everything's good, Tanya. Things got complicated in the tour sometimes. But, Brian's always got my back every time I stressed out," I nudged his elbow before I gulped the freshly hand-squeezed sweet and sour orange juice.

"Yeah, everything's good except the love life," Brian butted in before taking his big bite of sandwich.

"Brian-" Mrs Craigen said furrowing her eyebrows looking guilty.

"No worries, Tanya," I smiled assuring her not to worry upon Brian's comment. But it stung my heart a little.

"Hm... how long has it been since she left? Two years?"

"It's been-" I paused, trying to manage the choking feelings on my throat, "3 years," I answered feeling my chest tighten. The dining room went silent for a moment.

"It must be hard on you, Shawn. She's one of the kindest girls I've ever met. It's hard to believe it could happen to such a kind and young girl," She said while putting down her glass of juice.

"Yeah, you're right, makes it harder to forget her," Memories of her cooking together with Mrs Craigen glimpsing on my head. How she talked and giggled, letting out sweet voices while spinning the soup ladle. How she came to me crying and made me panicked, just to find out she just cut two big round onions. How she pouts her lips when I and Brian eat all of the cookies she made for Mrs Craigen.

 _Damn._ I miss her, so bad.

"You'll eventually get over it, Shawn," Mrs Craigen's voice woke me up, "Not over her, I mean, but over the sadness and trauma. I experienced the same thing when Brian's father passed away. Things going to get better slowly," her eyes watered as she finished her sentence.

"I hope so," I brought up a smile to my lips, hoping it will comfort her a little.

"So, you have any plans today, Mom?" Brian took over the conversation.

"Oh, yeah. I got to go to the reunion of my senior high school today. Can you drop me off at Bluestone Lane?" said Mrs Craigen while taking the plates off the table, "I'll figure out how to go back home so you won't have to pick me up. Have a good day out with Shawn," she said patting my shoulders.

"You're now sounding like Shawn is my date. But yeah, definitely I'd be happy to drive the most beautiful lady to the reunion. Maybe you can introduce me to your friends' daughters by chance," Brian threw another joke that made Mrs Craigen chuckle.

He always knows how to make her Mom laugh, even when he's going through his worst day.

"You're definitely your daddy's son, Brian," a longing feeling shown in her eyes despite her smiling lips. She misses his husband, just like I miss Ariel.

-

_Hi, everyone!_

_If you're reading this means you have complete the first chapter of this book, and I want to say thank you for reading_ 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

 _This is my first time publishing in AO3 and I'm really excited to know what you feel about the story_ 🙈

_Don't forget to leave comments or messages about what you like or don't like about this book, or even guesses about what's going to happen next!_

_I'll upload the next chapter soon. Hope you enjoy reading this book_ 😊❤❤


	2. Are Only Memories

**Shawn**

We arrived at Bluestone Lane. Mrs. Craigen said goodbye and Brian continued to drive down the street.

"So what are we gonna do today, Mr. Mendes?" Brian asked, turning on his indicator light, taking the right turn of the four-junction street.

"Hm... could we stop by a florist and go to Marble?" I looked outside the window before turning my head to him to get an answer, "We can go anywhere after that."

"Sure," he nodded taking another right turn.

The song Imagine played on the radio filling the silence in the car. Brian hum along the song softly. I looked away to the window again, listened attentively to the lyrics, lost in my thoughts.

_I keep craving, craving, you don't know it but it's true_   
_Can't get my mouth to say the words they want to say to you_   
_This is typical of love_   
_Can't wait anymore, I won't wait_   
_I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever_   
_In my dreams you're with me_   
_We'll be everything I want us to be_   
_And from there, who knows, maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time_   
_Or is that just me and my imagination_

"I see how miserable you were on those early days," he chuckled, "It must be sucks to just can imagine, it's only a kiss, Bro."

"You're right," I let out a weak laugh, "But, at least that early days-Shawn Mendes was still lucky, he still got the chance to try," I continued, thinking how lucky those people out there who still have their loved ones around,   
"Mm- so what's your plan today?" I changed the subject to move this awkwardness away.

"I don't know, some sports maybe? Since we eat pizza and cokes all night long yesterday," Brian shrugged his shoulders.

"Sounds good. Basketball?" I asked.  
"Basketball it is", he unbuckled his seat belt and so did I.

We entered the florist. The smell of the fresh flower tickled my nose. I looked around before a friendly voice greeted me.

"Hi, may I suggest what type of flowers you should get?" A 5'2" girl with an apron tied to her waist took a place beside me.

"Hi, yeah, erh, no, I mean I'm looking for white lilies," Me being stupid, answering to sudden conversation.

"Is it for your girlfriend?" She shoot another question.

I answer with a light nod.

"And the occasion is?" She replied raising her eyebrows excitedly.

"I'm visiting her _cemetery_ ," I replied lifting the edge of my lips a bit, "It's my third year living without her," I let out a small sigh unintentionally, realizing I spilled too much information to someone I didn't know.

She reminded me of her, in a way. Her small figures, smiley face, and the way she pulled her hair into a pony tail. They all remind me of my little Ariel.

"Oh, I'm sure she's happy to see you still buying flowers for her," She smiles trying to cover the guilt for bringing up the subject to me, but it's shown on her eyes.

I didn't mind talking about it. I just miss her every time I talk about her.

"Can I have some yellow roses?" Brian asked the girl, "If you don't mind, Shawn," He continued and turned his head to me waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, why not. I'm sure she'll love it," I answered looking around the shop that was decorated nicely. Ariel always loved a nice, neat, and good-smelling places. She would definitely like it to be here.

"It's $23 for all," the girl said clicking the register open, "Do you need a paper bag?"

"This should be enough. Thanks," I handed her the money and joined Brian who's already walking to the car.

We arrived at Marble in no time. We parked the car at the parking lot across the cemetery. We stepped out the car and crossed the street to enter the Marble's main gate. We took the stone path to her place.

The weather's nice today. The sky was clear, but not too hot. We could see a couple of families visiting their loved one too. Flowers were put on the soils, and birds were chirping along the way. It wasn't a cemetery like what it is described in horror movies.

We finally reached the 8th row. We took a few steps to the right and found her land. Brian stepped back to give me some room.

I knelt down beside her Cross and place the white lilies in front of it.  
"Hey, love. How's your life up there? Must be good, eh?" I laughed imagining her nodding and showing her brightest smile to me, "I just got back from the tour. I wrote a lot of songs about you and sang it in lots of countries you told me you wanted to visit. I visited some of the places you listed with me before. Montmartre, Prince's Canal, Naksan Park, Sankeien Garden. Remember? I want to visit all, but you know, Andrew wouldn't let me. If you were there, you must had shown your puppy eyes and pouted your lips to Andrew to make him melts," I smiled away the bitterness in my mouth, " _I wish you were there,_ Aal," I took a pause to catch a breath, "I miss you," I lifted my head trying to hold my tears back. One of them slipped through my cheek. I wiped it as I looked up to Brian, giving him the cue to start his talk.

"Hey, Flounder. It's been a while, eh? Life's been not as fun as it was when you're around. We miss you, dear- Oh, look what I've got for you!" He stopped for a while, folded his arm to his back and took something from his jeans' back pocket, "Tadaa... the yellow roses!" Brian put his biggest smile. He showed the flowers off in front of the Cross and put it down beside the lilies, "Shawn usually would clench his fist if I try flirt with you, but today he let me to buy you flowers! Can you imagine that?"

I smiled hearing Brian's nonsense.

"He's been thinking about you lately, and he misses you a lot," He nudge my elbow hard enough to make me almost stumbling from the squatting position, "But, don't worry, he's in good hands. I've been taking a good care of Shawn, Floun. I'll kick his butt for you if he does anything stupid. You can trust me." He finished his sentences with a big smile in his face and I laughed.

But, it doesn't stayed long till our eyes and smiles dropped, feeling the hollow in our hearts realizing her not being here with us today. I took a photo of her Cross and the white lilies, then we walked back to the car.

I pressed the start engine button and rested my head on the seat for a while. I switched my seat with Brian, so I can drive.

I remember how Ariel would sit on the back seat, poking her head out of the gap between front chairs and scream for ice cream before we go to any kind of sport. A must have snack for watching sport games she said. Even though it will be vanished even before we reach the clubhouse, and only the ice cream stain on her lips that stayed. I'll remove them with my thumbs, and her cheeks would turn red rose. _Right, let's stop, Shawn._

I took a long breath before I pull the hand break and stepped on the gas pedal. The songs coming out from the speakers filled in the empty air between us once again, until Brian turned the volume down.

"Shawn, what if...," he hesitated for a while, "What if I ask you to join a double date with me?" He waited for my answer with his face a little bit anxious, didn't know whether he asked the right thing or not.

"Nah, I'm good, man. I enjoy being like this," I answered still focusing my face on the road, "And considering the tight schedule and lots of flying from one country to another as my fate, there's no point of building anymore relationship if I will end up hurting her again because-," I inhale audibly, "You know-" and then exhale audibly, "I'm not able to give her the time she deserves," I knock my palm softly on the steering wheel following the beats of the song, waiting for the red traffic light turn green.

"Hmm... you don't want to try, at least once?" Brian raised his eyebrows. I could hear a small sigh came out of his lungs, "I don't know, Shawn. I mean, it's worth trying. I'm just worried if you keep on doing this-," his face shown a mix of worry and sadness, "Maybe a new girl would help you ease your mind. You know, I'm sure she will be happy for you too,"

"Ariel?" I asked, unsure about who she he's referring to.

"Yeah, Ariel," he nod lightly, "I'm sure she's hurt seeing you like this," he then looked away to the window.

"I don't know, Bri. She's the most jealousy girl I've ever met in my life after Aaliyah," I chuckled, trying to blow the sadness that has been sitting here since morning. He replied with a smirk. "But, I'll think about that. Thanks, Bro," I pulled the hand brake and put my focus back on the street behind the steering wheel.


	3. Another Chance

Ariel

THIS IS THE DAY.

Yes, this is the day. I have been waiting for three years, _three years_ to make myself visible to Shawn.

It sucks to see him all sad and hurt because of me. Moreover, I can't do anything about that. I can't bring myself back alive. I can't hug him. I can't even comfort him with my words.

So, there I was, sitting beside him crying along whenever he cried, without him knowing that I was there. Saying over and over again that it's gonna be okay to his ears even though he couldn't listen. Hugging him even though his body passes through my shadow every time I try to touch his soft skin.

 _Trust me,_ being a ghost is sucks.

I died at 7.42 PM, so I still have to wait for about four and a half hour to finally show up in front of him. _And I'm nervous._

I don't know how would he react when he sees me, as a ghost. He might scream _GHOOOSSTTTT_ as loud as he can, well, with his beautiful voice, the scream will still sound a song to my ear though. He might be shocked, run out of breath and then pass out on the floor with his soft messy curls covering his pale skin. Or maybe he will have a heart attack and pass away on the floor. Or he will run away as fast as he can, and slip his steps on the stairs and die.

No, this is starting to sound weird. I need to stop. He's not me and he's not dead. But, if he dies, he might be here with me and we can get married, as a ghost. Cute ghost couple.

NO, that's not gonna happen. Remember my one and only objective-why I want to show up in front of him once again, after this long-journey-being-a-ghost- to help him find new love. New love. Yeah, new love, I didn't say it wrong.

I know he loves me so much. And I love him so much too, don't get me wrong. Who doesn't want to have his boyfriend, wrapped around her finger, even after three years of death? No one would be happy to see his love of life move on to another person. No one.

But, trust me. It's also hurt to see your man crying over your death when you-once again-cannot do anything about that. It's hurt to see him not being able to feel happiness anymore, to see him not being able to feel love. As painful as what he experiences when he misses me who can't ever come back. it breaks my heart too.

I hate to let him go. Just like the time I met him for the last time when I'm going to part my soul with my body that didn't have the strength anymore to fight the illness. I hate it. _So much_. So much that I can't express it in words. Or even the amount of screams and tears I let out wouldn't suffice to describe.

But, just like the sayings say, sometimes if you really love someone, you need to let him go for the sake of his happiness.


	4. The Day

Shawn

I rummage my pocket, trying to find the key to the house. I'm exhausted and I couldn't wait to lay on the bed.

I'm KO-ed by Brian for 56-30 points on basketball. _Ugh_. How I always wish I mastered that sport, but I've never passed through Brian's points. Except when he's dead sick from diarrhoea.

That day was the sports day where we compete with other classes to win the annual trophy, and he knew that his crush would be there watching him play. Unfortunately, he passed out after throwing his 3 points shoot. He shot it in though, successfully. He got a lot of girls wrapped around his finger after that event.

I found my keys on the front pocket of my bag and I opened the door. Why am I being so old-school and don't use code instead of keys? Nah, my fans are _extraordinarily genius_ that they will crack the code to my apartment, and that's not a good thing to my private life. But, they're lovely though. And as I said before, they're extremely genius just like Sherlock Holmes.

I entered the house, took off my shoes, and switched some lights on. I placed my bag on the kitchen aisle and opened the fridge to find the cold water bottle.

Suddenly, I felt a familiar smell filled up the room. _Fuji green tea cologne_. Yes, I couldn't be mistaken. It's the nerve-calming smell that I got to breathe on every time I got back from tiring days, weeks or even months of work and tour. But, I didn't get to smell this after she was diagnosed with cancer. All my nose can remember after that were the horrifying smell of hospital and medicines.

_Wait_. Why am I smelling this thing then? Don't tell me I develop hallucination now. I shake my head, getting rid of my crazy thoughts. I gulped down the cold water and put it back into the fridge. I grabbed my bag and headed to my bedroom. 

I tried to deny the smell. But the more I stepped closer to my room, the stronger the smell got into my respiration system. My head strived to look for rational reasons. Maybe Mom accidentally used her perfume that I bought when I missed her to refresh my room. _Yes_ , I'm sure of it. What a good choice of fragrance though.

I turned the doorknob and push the door open. I head straight to the desk across the room and I placed my bag on the chair. _Wait_. Did I see something? No. Yes. I couldn't be mistaken. I saw someone's on my bed.

I got no nerve to turn my head. That couldn't be my mom. She would never sleep on my bed when I'm not home. Is that one of my fully-dedicated fans? Or is it a burglar? My heart started to race. And bullets of sweat escaped my side forehead. I grabbed my guitar's neck, ready to smash it if anything bad happens. _Thank God_ it is not the John Mayer precious gift guitar.

I gathered the courage to turn my body facing the bed. I turned around and I opened my eyes. My guitar was held high by my side.

No.

This is not real.

I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Ariel, tucked under the duvet, stretching her arms wide with her eyes closed. She then rubbed her right eyelid with her small knuckle.

_The fuck, Shawn._

This is not a good time to have hallucination. I mentally slapped myself. My hand hadn't loosened the grip on my guitar.

"OH, HI SHAWN!" She jumped out of bed with a panic face.

I backed off and bumped to the hanging shelf above my desk. Things started falling on the desk and on my head, which didn't make the situation any better. Maybe it was aimed to wake me up.

"I'm sorry, it didn't mean to be like this, _our first meeting_ ," She scratched back of her head and her voice squeaked as she's feeling a bit anxious.

_Great_. Now she can talk. I'm getting really crazy.

"Shawn, it's me, Ariel," she waved her palm in front of my face and snapped a couple of times. "Shawnnn," she kept calling me until my dropped-jaw closed, and I answered her.

"A- Ariel?" My voice cracked as I couldn't believe what I saw in front of me.

She's standing there beautifully in her white gown. Her slight curly hair fell down to her shoulders.

"Yes, it's me, Shawn," her lips curved the most beautiful smile I've been missing.

"Ariel, like Ariel's ghost?" I mentally slapped myself for the second time. My tongue always slips stupid questions whenever I'm in an unusual situation.

"Yes, thanks, Shawn. You don't have to explain it bluntly," she groaned and then a chuckle slipped out her small mouth, "But, yes," she took a deep breath, "I'm Ariel the ghost." Then the sweet smile reappeared on her face.

"This is crazy," I turned around and ruffled my hair with both my palm, expecting she might be gone when I turn back my body. Life would be so much harder if I develop this kind of hallucination now. I- I couldn't bear to see her knowing that we'd never ended together. But I turned around, and she's still there.

"Am- am I crazy?" I rubbed my eyes once again to see clearly what is in front of me.

But, she cut me and moved closer to me. She bent her knees, trying to get my attention through little holes my palms making under my nose, "No, you're not crazy, Shawn. This is me," her smile started to fade.

"Oh my god, you are real," I finally trusted what's happening in front of me, "I miss you so bad, Ariel, I miss you so bad," I hugged her immediately. But, I couldn't feel anything but cold air ran down my spine.

"I'm sorry, Shawn," her voice turned shaky. Tears forming in her eyes, "You can't hug me," she lowered her head, her eyes fixed to the ground, "I'm just a soul without its case. You know, just like other ghosts."

"As long as I can see you, it's fine," I said trying to wash away her sadness, even though it stings my heart to not be able to touch her soft skin anymore. "Where have you been, Ariel? Why didn't you show up to me, like years ago?" I lifted my head and fixed my eyes to hers.

"The dead has rules too, Shawn. You know," she giggled before she stared deeply into my eyes. I miss her so bad.  
"Wait, what?" My question broke the silence that lingered quite long before.

"Well, I can explain it to you. All of it. But can we have a seat so that I can catch up with you for what we have missed for this whole three years?" she said her words almost like rap, "Ghost can be tired too, just in case you don't know," she giggled tapping her side thighs with both of her hands.

I nod my head, still trying to connect the dots on my brain. We walked out of the bedroom with her leading my way.

She looked so real, I couldn't even tell if she's only a soul without its case. That made me really want to hold her tiny hand and hug her tight. Just- _just if I could._


End file.
